I was into my twenties before I understood that I could really tell any woman –a total stranger –that I was on my period, and she would be sympathetic. “I’m having really bad cramps today,” and the checker at Safeway would say “Sorry, Sweetie,” or my customer at the shoe store would tell me we […]


Hello ladies. Just, control yourselves. Don’t dress like a slut, which means wearing clothing in public. Don’t drink too much, which means any drink at all because someone could be drugging you at any time. And even if they’re not, your intoxication level can still be used against you. Don’t talk to could-be predators, which […]

Breaking Up

Dear Gout, You can kindly fuck off now, Sir. Please stop taking foods away from me. I have done so much to cater to your needs, your aberrations. And yet still, I fail to please you? This relationship hasn’t been working for me for eight years. I’m through. Take your weird loafers and those awful […]